Karma Exist: The Downfall of Bobby Petrino

Sleaze on the Field, Sleaze off the Field

As most SEC fans already know Bobby Petrino is a world renown slime ball. Even Bernie Madoff and Joey Buttafuoco would call Petrino a lackluster human. Ask anyone from the University of Louisville or the Atlanta Falcons and they will agree Petrino’s antics were eventually going to catch up with him. On Friday April 5th, Karma found Petrino.

On April 3rd Bobby Petrino was involved in what was originally thought of a single person motorcycle accident that fractured his vertebrate, broke multiple ribs and suffered road burn that would make Freddy Kruger cringe. The physical pain would be the least of Petrino’s worries as days after the accident new information showed a second passenger, Jessica Dorrell, on his motorcycle the day of the accident. This information contradicted Petrino’s previous claim that he was biking alone, which he told both the University and authorities. Questions had to be answered to why Petrino and Dorrell were recreating their favorite scene from Top Gun when the accident occurred. Petrino had no other choice than to admit to an “Inappropriate Relationship” with the employee of the Razorback football program. And now the fun begins.

The Femme Fatale Who Took Down the Razorbacks Head Coach…

 

Jessica Dorrell is a former All-SEC volleyball player at the University of Arkansas. Dorrell had been working for the Razorback Foundation until being hired as a Student-Athlete Development Coordinator on March 28th, 2012. According to reports Dorrell’s resume was filtered to the top by Petrino and she was selected for this position over many candidates who had better experience.This position would have her working with side-by-side with Petrino during recruiting, high school athlete outreach and assisting with player eligibility.  Dorrell got much more than a black Acura out of this job.

Where Half Bobby Petrino’s $3.8 Million Dollar Salary is Now Going…

How Becky Petrino put up with 25 years of Bobby’s lack of personally and cruel demeanor is beyond comprehension. She should be compensated to the fullest extent of the law. If the divorce settlement does not encompass a holiday honoring Becky Petrino and adding saint to her legal name, she needs new council. We are team Becky…

Bobby Petrino’s Message to Scumbags Worldwide: Buy a Go-Phone…

A story as old as time, where men with power reside, hot young women with dreams of fortune and fame will always be near. As a person familiar with the art of scum-bagging I can attest to the new age problems technology present. Facebook, Twitter, Text Messaging, Google+, E-Mail, Carrier Pigeon all can get a Scummer in trouble. And not only did Petrino use his position to hire Dorrell, he also used his work phone to contact her. And thanks to the Good Ole’ Freedom of Information Act America was graced with the content of the lovers correspondence. Below are some of the interesting football related notes:

  • Petrino exchanged 91 texts with Dorrell on Sept. 13 and 84 texts with her  over five hours on Oct. 28, the day before a game at Vanderbilt.
  • On Oct. 17, the two swapped 73 text messages, and on four days in a row in  the week before a loss to eventual national champion Alabama, Petrino called  Dorrell early  —  at 5:52 a.m., 6:35 a.m., 5:49 a.m. and 7:55 a.m.
  • The day Arkansas beat Troy, the two exchanged 70 texts. They exchanged 26  texts the day Arkansas beat Mississippi State and four following the Razorbacks’  loss to LSU on Nov. 25.

One wrecked motorcycle, 6 months and 4,300 text messages later, the party was over, Petrino was fired and Dorrell was single and probably on her way to a half-way house. Go to Wal-Mart and buy a Go-Phone.

The Innocent Third Party: Jessica Dorrell’s Husband to be….

Josh Morgan, the director of swimming and diving operations at the University of Arkansas and fiancee of Jessica Dorrell found out in the exact same manner as we did about the infidelity of his soon to be bride. In early June 2012 Josh Morgan was to wed his wonderful girlfriend of two years. Little did he know that in the process of Karma taking down Petrino, a civilian casualty would occur. The poor bastard. I thought better of adding a photo of the happy couple (Pre-April 2012) in the hopes that my date with Karma is delayed indefinitely. Lord knows this could have been any of us. A man ready to hang up is courting’ boots for one lucky lady, get the metaphorical punched in the nuts, when he discovers his fiancee is shacked up with a gremlin on national TV.

 

Bobby Petrino Quote on the Hire of Jessica Dorrell…

“Jessica Dorrell will be a great addition to our football program. As a former student-athlete she has an enthusiasm for the Razorbacks and is familiar with what the University of Arkansas can offer. She is extremely organized and has a professional approach, which should translate well into our program and recruiting as we continue to place an emphasis on this area.”

Interpretation for Those Not Familiar with the Language of a Scum Bag…

“Jessica Dorrell will be a great addition to our football program.”

Jessica Dorrell is a dime piece, 25 years my junior, and has legs that go on for days.

“As a former student-athlete she has an enthusiasm for the Razorbacks and is familiar with what the University of Arkansas can offer.”

She might dress slutty enough to get high school kids to actually want to move to Fayetteville.

“She is extremely organized and has a professional approach, which should translate well into our program and recruiting as we continue to place an emphasis on this area.”

When I invite her to the Motel 6 she knows I mean the one next to the Waffle House and we always pay with pre-paid MasterCard you can buy at Speedway gas stations.

(Arkansas A.D. Jeff Long is now the hero to Tom Jurich and Arthur Blank)

The Future of Arkansas… Post Bobby Petrino

The University of Arkansas Athletic Director Jeff Long had no choice but to fire Bobby Petrino and did so in amazing fashion. Petrino lied to the University and in doing so made the University of Arkansas liable for his actions. Since Dorrell had been at her job for less than a month it is not believable that Petrino did not have a relationship prior to her hire. Thus not only could the University face a sexual harassment suit from Ms. Dorrell but also lawsuits from prospective employees who were turned down the job in March 2012.

The Clint Eastwood of Athletic Directors:One faithful night Arkansas Athletic Director Jeff Long caught the ears and eyes of America as he laid into Bobby Petrino in a way millions have wanted to in days past. One punch after another Long landed, until he went for the jugular, “No person is bigger than the program.” And with those simple words Petrino was gone. Weeks later Arkansas Athletic Director Jeff Long eventually decided to keep the current coaching staff together and bring back former Assistant Coach John L. Smith to oversee the Hogs program. In other news Smith does not know how to text.

(This picture is awesome, not true and photo-shopped, but great)

Jessica You Weren’t Alone, Insert Alison Melder and open up a can of amazing…

Her name was Alison Melder, former party planner/secretary for the Arkansas Republican Party, self proclaimed Arkansas socialite and former Miss Fayetteville Miss Motorcycle Mania 2008 (Winner?). As if this story could not get any better, Bobby Petrino cell phone records showed another Philly was in the stable and she has quite the portfolio (we highly recommend googling Ms. Melder). Although Miss Melder denies the affair, over 200 hundred texts messages beg to differ. And if we know Ole’ Bobby, I would say Miss Melder is right up is alley.

But maybe the media is wrong and Miss Melder and Petrino were just friends. After all Alison’s Facebook account notes she is a fan of God, Eminem, the Bible & Ryan Mallett. Sounds like many activities Petrino may also enjoy. And who does watch the motion picture masterpiece 8 Mile at least once a week. As a side note Alison is no longer an employee of the Arkansas Republican Party and is available birthdays, trade shows and bar mitzvahs.

What this Means to the Razorback Football Program…

Arkansas Head Coach Bobby Petrino rescued the Razorback Football Program from the depths of the SEC West cellar, at one point losing to Kentucky in consecutive seasons. Since that time Petrino has transformed the Razorbacks into an annual Top 10 team, taking them to a BCS game and if not for Alabama and LSU would have played for a National Title.

Integrity has shown to be a more important factor than wins and losses in Fayetteville and we here at Saturday Morning Tailgate applaud Jeff Long for his stance. Although Razorback fans would agree John L. Smith is not the long term answer in Fayetteville, he will bring stability and reassurance to program thirsty for leadership but talented enough to play in a BCS game.

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